…could maybe put Jenny together again?
I want to thank everyone who’s been so incredibly supportive, although only a couple of you actually know what happened. I know people just know i’ve been incredibly sad. I’ve been avoiding blogging since my last entry. I guess it was because I knew that once I typed these words, it’d make them true because I’d be acknowledging them to the world: I broke up with my boyfriend the day before Thanksgiving.
Not an earth shattering revelation, but I needed to share that, nonetheless. It was a long time coming, but, of course, out of respect for him and our relationship, I will not divulge the details.
No matter how it ends (or who ends it) I suppose it comes as a shock when you are finally able to process it. It really only sunk in the week after Thanksgiving that it was really and truly over. I was numb with shock that I had finally found the guts to do it and I found myself living on popcorn and Mike and Ikes. One day I just had a baked potato and was startled when I went to bed to find that I had truly forgotten to eat. I wasn’t listening to my body because my mind and heart were so otherwise engaged. Bad food blogger! I realized soon, though, that not taking care of myself wasn’t doing me any favors.
I started to cook a bit again and realized that doing what I love was going to help me get through it. Then I started baking. I baked my ass off. I attempted to go vegan(disaster), I wrote up recipes to try, and dreamed up new and odd ingredient combinations. I discovered the most amazing brownies- butterscotch and peanut butter(heaven). Sometime between slowly melting butter and folding in egg, the flood gates opened and I lost it. Apparently, the secret to good brownies is tears. Right in the batter. Must help them rise or something, because those puppies rose to new heights. I’ll post that recipe and a few others soon.
I still cry, but not as often. I’ve finally stopped listening to sad, sappy music. So, my next step? Yoga. Gym. Jewelry design. Writing. Blogging. Things I enjoy. It’s really time I started taking care of me again while I let my heart heal. It’s time I started learning how to love myself instead of depending on others to do it for me. So, I’ll pick up the pieces and try to put MYSELF back together, because at the end of the day all I really have is me.